Transcript...

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Judgment is not always a negative thing

  • We can use judgment to see where we need to do work within ourselves by getting curious:

    • “Why is this thing bothering me? Where am I judging myself?”

  • Positive judgment can be used where we want to manifest things in our lives:

    • “Ohh what a beautiful way to spend your time and/or money! I’d love that for myself!”

Episode 39: Judgment


Katie Wrigley  0:11  

Welcome back to the Pain changer podcast. This is episode 39. This is also my first solo episode in a while. And I have to admit it feels a little bit strange and quite lovely. I have so enjoyed getting to know all the experts that I've been able to talk to over the last few months. And I'm going to be bringing them back again, in 2023, some same, some new, this podcast has just been amazing. And I thank you to each and every one of you who has been a part of it. Thank you so much for being a part of this community with me. Today, we're going to be talking about judgment and the secret about judgment that no one's really telling you. Here's a hint, it can actually be a positive thing. Stay tuned, that is coming right up.

Katie Wrigley  1:11  

Recently, I've been spending a lot more time with entrepreneurs. Part of it is because I have immersed myself with more copywriting and I'm also doing some business programs as well. So I'm surrounded by more entrepreneurs. And someone who was sharing a story that resonated with me, because it’s really similar to my own story with how I was funding my business to get it off the ground. And in listening to her, it really impacted me, especially on her aha moment. So the way that her finances were set up in order for her to fund her business, she didn't actually have direct access to the account herself. The type of account it was she actually had to go through her finance person to access the money. And she had chosen to do this every month. There were a lot of different ways that she could have reached out but for where she was, at the time, a monthly allowance, so to speak, felt really good to her. And every month when she called in to her financial people, something inside of her kind of cringed. And as she was watching this financial cushion that she had given herself, I call it the financial float, she called it a cushion, because as she was looking in this financial cushion getting flatter and flatter. She realized that she was getting more and more vocal. Every time that she was talking to her finance people each month, more and more excuses. “Oh, I'm so close. Oh, I'm this Oh, I'm this.” And the most powerful thing happened when she made the last call. She got to the end of that cushion when it was completely flat underneath her. Two things actually happened that day. The first one was, that was the day that she realized how much she had been judging herself because she had been fearing it so much from other people. She had been so scared that her finance people were going to scold her. I mean, I don't know if your finance person scolds you, mine doesn't do that for me. She was so afraid that they were going to scold her. And she realized this whole time like, “Holy cow, I've been judging myself”. And she knew that they hadn't been because when she had asked to close that account, they commended her on how well she had done with that money. And they commended her and complimented her and said that it sounded like she was really making some sound decisions. And in the reflection of them shedding a positive light on her what she had not been able to do for herself. She realized like, oh my gosh, I've been judging myself. They haven't been judging me. I've been judging myself. And at the same time, there was someone else in her life that she realized all of this again, it came together on the same day for her. She realized that this dynamic with someone in her life and I don't remember if it was a friend, partner, client, someone, but it was someone that really mattered to her. And she had felt some strife with that person. And she hadn't been able to figure it out. And in that moment when she realized how much she had been judging herself. She also pinpointed the reason that she felt strife with this person that she cared about so much. She had actually been judging them on how they were spending their money, because of what she was doing with judging herself. And so in the span of one day, she was actually able to shift her perspective on herself and stop judging herself. And she also saw clearly that this other person she cared about so much. She really loved and respected them from what she had relayed. All that strife she had felt just went away. And that person responded in kind, because they didn't sense the strife anymore. And she flipped it on her head and heartbeat. And the most beautiful thing was, she actually made it with that last withdrawal. That was what she needed, releasing the judgment is what freed her and she is doing amazing in her business now and hearing that it gave me so much hope. So that is what I want to talk to you about today, I want to tell you about the three things that judgment is actually giving you and it sounds so weird to hear that. And it's true with anything that you have in this life that is eating at you or that doesn't sit right in your body, or that doesn't resonate with you, that can be an opportunity in that moment to shift the script, take a different perspective to one that does not hurt your body, one that does not impact you in a negative way. And that in turn, is going to be able to help take that energy, that weight of judgment out of your physical body, so you are no longer feeling that. So the first thing that judgment gives you, it is a mirror of where you have work to do. So in that example, with this person that I've met, she was both fearing judgment from someone else, which was a sign of what she had to work on within herself. She was judging herself. That's why she was fearing it because she judged it. And then at the same time, once she realized she had been judging it, she realized that was why she was judging someone else. Because it was in her. So when you have that aha moment, oh my gosh, this is what I've been doing. I've been fearing this because I'm the one that's feeling this, and I feel this strife towards this person. Because I'm the one who is actually dealing with this, it has nothing to do with that other person. It's just me. And how empowering is that? To realize like, now you have the opportunity, you can change that like this person did with her relationship with money. She flipped it on its head. And instead of judging herself, she released that judgment, and it immediately started making a profit in your business, and here’s to me following in her footsteps. And it's just incredible. And now that's the other thing is that judgment is not always a negative thing. This is a second takeaway that I would love for you to take from this episode, judgment is not always a negative thing. Let me give you another example. I'm going to stay on the financial theme since this is really prevalent in my mind. And in the minds of people that I've been having conversations with lately, as well as the inflation rate in the economy, taking a massive shit again, when the last economic dump is still very fresh in our minds, even though it was over a decade ago, it was a very painful time. And you may still be feeling that. So I'm going to stay in the money theme for this one, just to give some examples here. So judgment in a positive way, let me give you an example of that. So as I've been doing my own growth work, doing my own, really listening to my own advice, I'm noticing how judgment can actually be a mile marker for you. So recently, I was listening to someone else who has had an amazing year in their business. They are.. if they haven't reached the seven figure mark yet they are about to, which is just phenomenal to me. I have so much respect for anybody who's doing that and is at that level of respect for anybody who is in this entrepreneurial game. It is not for the faint of heart. So just to be clear, I have mad respect for those who have not given up to a point where they are reaching seven figures because let me tell you, they did not get there through giving up. They didn't get there overnight. This was perseverance, commitment. That is what gets you to those seven figures. I was listening to how this person wanted to spend their money and what they were doing for themselves. And I realized that I thought, “Oh, wow, that's such a smart idea. That's such a brilliant idea. What a beautiful way to utilize money.” And all of those things that I was thinking about her, those are judgments too. Beautiful. That's an opinion. And opinion is another word for judgment. What a cool thing to do with your money. What a beautiful thing. Oh, how creative. Those are all judgments. And that leads me to the third point, which is that, when you use judgment as a positive thing, you can actually use it as a mile marker to get towards your goals. If you hear someone reflecting back to you something that sounds interesting, and you feel judgment, or you feel jealousy. That's your moment to hit the pause button. And really ask yourself like, what is catching me right now about this thing? Why is this catching my attention? Why is this catching my eyes? Hmm? What is it about this?

Katie Wrigley  11:13  

And spend time thinking about that, so that you can better understand what's appealing to you. Because the more emotionally connected you are to this thing that you're going for, the more likely you are to get there. It’s a really cool thing about the way the human brain works. So you can start to use judgment as a positive mile marker towards what you actually want in your life. So how can you integrate these three pieces of judgment mirroring, where you may have work to do on your own, through the lens of fearing judgment coming in for yourself, and also finding judgment in other people. The first thing I want you to do when you start to see that happening, I want you to pause. The next time you're like, oh my gosh, that is so blasé, or bougie, or bullshit, or whatever the word is, that's coming to mind. Whatever that description is, if it's negative, and if you're feeling something in your body, and you can feel judgment, let's just pause there and make sure that you know what it feels like first, so you know what I'm going to do? If you're driving, please do not do this. Pause the episode, come back, listen to it later. If you are in a place where it is safe to do this, I want you to look down at your body, I'm going to do it along with you. I want you to look back down at your body and feel judgment. Think about something that you were recently feeling judgment towards. Feel that in the body, where do you feel that judgment? Where is it located? Get familiar with it. Like in my body, it almost feels like someone's twisted a cord. Like there's just something that just isn't sitting right with me and I don't like it. It makes me judge and then it frustrates me and I just nag. What is that for you? Feel it. Okay. Now, going back to my first point, just wanted to take a segue, that is the sign that you can pause and go “Wait! Katie talked about this.” What is this pointing to? For me right now? What is going on inside me that I'm judging them? Am I fearing their judgment? And if so, why? Or, alternatively, if I'm judging someone else, or you're judging someone else, why? And really pause. And also try not to express that judgment. If you have that opportunity in the moment, it will feel really good to hold it in because you're gonna work through it. You know, me, I am not a fan of holding in emotions. But sometimes a comment is not appropriate or welcome. And it can pause or you can get it out later and no one hears it. Pause on that biting word that was going to come out of your mouth and see what you actually want to say after you've had time to sit and think what is creating that feeling that feels like a twisted cord in me, whatever it is in you. What is it in you that is creating that? And then the other thing that I want you to do with this is when you find yourself holding someone in reverence, or really respecting them or admiring them, or thinking gosh, I wish I could bring that into my life. I want you to start to look at that and ask yourself, How can I bring this into my life? How can I give this to myself? How can I source this? So the person I heard who is doing amazing stuff, the thing that really caught my eye… Ahh this is my next goal. So what she had mentioned was, she had hired a chef to come in a couple times a week and cook for her and her husband. And I thought, holy cow, that would be so cool to have someone come in and cook some healthy meals for me. Now, I love cooking. I love healthy meals. And I have a lot on my plate right now. So sometimes I fall a little short in that area. And if I had support, oh my gosh. So as soon as that feels available to me, you can bet your ass, I'm going to be hiring a chef, it's not going to be full time. I have nowhere near that income. But that is going to be something and I am giving myself later. Because it's important to me, maintaining health is incredibly important to me, and hearing someone else taking that move of self love, of self care, and using their income to give that to themselves. That was beautiful to me. And that's something that I'm going to source for myself later on. So I ask you, what are you seeing out there that you want for yourself? And really sit with that and then start to think about, what can you do to source that for yourself? You don't want to get caught in the how. The how is where we start to get on the hamster wheel thoughts, and then we're exhausting ourselves. But start to think about what could lead you towards that goal. All right. Thank you so much for joining me today. This has been awesome. To have it be just you and me again. Thank you for listening as always. And I hope you're gonna join me again in two weeks, two weeks, Lauren Fonville is coming back again. And she's going to talk more about EFT. She's back by popular demand. So Lauren, and I actually just wrapped up eight weeks together today, and we recorded this episode several weeks ago. So we were I think three episodes or three sessions into it of the eight that I had booked with her. And we're going to talk a little bit about what that gave me and the amazing healing benefits of EFT or emotional freedom technique. So I hope you're gonna join me again in two weeks to hear all about that. Until then, never forget that chronic doesn't have to be permanent.