I loved my new yard, right up until the local deer chewed up all my ‘lollipop’ shrubs. After the deer had their fill, I knew the shrubs had to go. That was not something I wanted to look at and maintain year after year.

After the shrubs had been removed, I posted a Before and After on my Facebook and Instagram.

Here is my before picture:

Leave it to my best friend to point out the humor and everything I hadn’t noticed. 

Ah SHIT!!! How did I miss that for three months?! And why did she wait until AFTER I posted it to share that gem of insight with me?!?!? I had sent her the picture the previous night!

Clueless much? Yes...yes I am.

For three months I stared at those hideous deer-chewed shrubs, and nary a dick did I see!

What. A. Waste.

Three months of dick jokes passed me by and I had no laughs to show for it.

And, just to be clear, the possibilities for dick jokes were endless:

  • My green gods bring all the does to the yard
  • Was your circumcision done by Home Depot or Lowes?
  • Manscaping gone wrong
  • The buck stopped here. In envy.
  • Is this how the Jolly Green Giant made Sprout?
  • The 9 Phallic Wonders of Winter
  • Did my yard pop a boner or are you just happy to see me?

Whenever I see this picture, all I can think is “I was staring down the Jolly Green Giant’s dick...yet I didn’t see it!”

Never again.

Reader, I vow to you now that I will never let a dick joke pass me by again. I owe you that much!

Alas, with my yard now free of dicks and covered in snow, I suppose I need to find a new inspiration source for my dick joke repository.

dick joke repository