In this episode, you will learn:
The words “want” and “need” focus on a place of lack
The phrase “going to” is future thinking that’ll cause anxiety. Past thinking is based on guilt and shame.
Loving everyone is playing the Game of 10 but that doesn’t mean you have to like everyone.
The truth will set you free from feeling “stuck”
Episode 32: What if Thoughts are Prayers
Katie Wrigley 0:06
Welcome back to the Pain Changer Podcast. This is episode 32. This week, we are wrapping up our nod to mental health awareness month with a focus on words. How much attention are you paying to the words that come out of your mouth? For instance: “I can’t do that.” Is it really true that you can’t? Are you trapped in a limiting belief that’s actually holding you back and keeping you stuck? And what about the impact on your mental and physical state? What are you really telling your mind when you say things like, “I’m not good enough?” Or “I can’t do that.”? What if your thoughts and your words are actually prayers? What would change with your vocabulary and your self-talk if that was the truth? In today’s episode, I’m bringing back a special guest to discuss exactly that. What if thoughts are prayers? Stick around! That’s coming right up. Joining me today is a return guest, mindset Coach Steve Barton. Steve, in full transparency I also want to say is a good friend of mine as well. Steve joined me for episode 20 and shared his Game of 10 with us. Just to serve as a reminder of who Steve is, I want to give him a solid introduction before we dive in. After working for years in his family’s flower shop and gaining valuable information in the business and financial worlds, Steve found his way over to coaching. He began coaching individuals and business owners based on his business background. His passion and knowledge of how people behave and how the mind works sets him apart in the coaching world. He helps individuals and teams connect with their innate awareness. He calls this a common sense approach to what is not all that common. In May 2015, Steve graduated from the eight month intensive coaching program from the Gestalt international study center in Wellfleet, Massachusetts, giving him a foundation in the Gestalt model and the Gestalt core concepts and behaviors to work from. In September 2021, Steve graduated from Miracle Minded Coaching with Marianne Williamson and the team at Difference Publication, giving him an even wider range of coaching skills to work with his clients. Currently, Steve is the owner of Steve Barton coaching which provides coaching for individuals and groups. Steve has registered with the United States Trademark Office, a process that he uses in his coaching practice. It is the format of a psychological game and mindset practice. It’s called the Game of 10. He is currently creating programs to bring to organizations and businesses to create awareness. His hope is to train others to teach this process to the psychological coaching and wellness community. His website is overthelookingglass.com Welcome back to the Pain changer podcast, Steve, it’s always such a pleasure to get to talk to you.
Steve Barton 3:08
Okay. It’s always great to be with you and to be on the podcast and always exhilarating and fun and insightful for me as well.
Katie Wrigley 3:18
Awesome. Thank you for that. And I’m wondering if we can start with a mantra that’s part of your Game of 10. Again, you introduced it in the last episode, but I absolutely love the effect of that. So can we start there today, Steve?
Steve Barton 3:30
Sure. The Game of 10 was developed in 2015. And had to probably be a two year combination. And basically, it was downloaded. You know, here it is, boom. And it’s very simple. It’s a series of five different tenets. And it starts with… Okay, so repeat after me. But don’t say “repeat after me” because oftentimes people say that.
Katie Wrigley 4:02
I did that to you last time, too. Yeah.
Steve Barton 4:06
Anyway, first of all, I explain usually that, what is 10? And 10 is the highest level of awareness that we are innately born with. And it’s a declaration of you are part of source, you’re a source, you’re connected. And this is what our… this is who we are. So if someone says you got to know who you are, that’s a buzzword for “we are a part of source and so is everyone else equally.” So let’s start with that. I am 10
Katie Wrigley 4:42
I am 10
Steve Barton 4:43
I’m always right with the awareness that I have.
Katie Wrigley 4:47
I’m always right with the awareness that I have.
Steve Barton 4:50
I am enough.
Katie Wrigley 4:51
I am enough.
Steve Barton 4:52
I do enough.
Katie Wrigley 4:53
I do enough.
Steve Barton 4:54
I have enough.
Katie Wrigley 4:55
I have enough. That is simple. My mind just like, I almost feel like my brain goes, *sigh of relief*, every time I say that,
Steve Barton 5:07
Well, it does because our conditioned mind or ego or freewill is always looking for something other than that. Okay? So it gives it nothing to grasp for.
Katie Wrigley 5:23
Nothing to grasp for meaning what?
Steve Barton 5:25
It’s constantly grasping for “Well, you didn’t do this, you should have done this, you’re not enough, you don’t do enough, you don’t have enough. You aren’t right.” Self doubt. “And you’re definitely not 10. You can do better.” And with that, it’s constantly trying to figure it out. But it can’t because you just declared what it is.
Katie Wrigley 5:51
Ah, okay, so what I think I hear you’re saying there, and we’ve talked about this before on the show, whatever we’re looking for, we’re going to find so if the brain is trying to say, “Oh, you’re not good enough, you can’t have this, you can’t have that”, you’re going to find evidence of that. But that mantra stops that from looking for that next thing.
Steve Barton 6:10
In that moment. And the key is to train your mind to stay in that moment. And it’s an exercise in being present,
Katie Wrigley 6:22
Exercise and being present. And what does that start to do to the brain to the body, the overall being when we start getting into the practice of being present?
Steve Barton 6:34
A sense of inner peace. That is our natural state, inner peace.
Katie Wrigley 6:41
Nice. And I wonder how many people actually feel a state of inner peace on a regular basis?
Steve Barton 6:47
I would say very few. And I said, one of my words that we’re going to talk about today, I said “would”. So I catch myself when I say it and learn different ways of saying it.
Katie Wrigley 7:02
So that’s a great segue. So you’ve already touched on limiting beliefs there. And I took a note that I’m gonna go back to in a little bit, but let’s start there. Where do these limiting beliefs come from? Steve?
Steve Barton 7:17
Well, I just listened to a podcast. I can’t remember his name right now. But he talks about neuro psychologist, he talks about from the age of zero to seven, from time of birth to seven years old, we’re in a fainter state of mind. Yeah, our brains are just sponges. And so whatever we’re seeing in our environment, our mothers and fathers, sisters, brothers, environment, television, we’re soaking it all in. And we gain these beliefs about ourselves and others, and how we can function in the world. It’s not good or bad. Yet, if you’ve seen some fighting with your parents, or worry about money or something and not having enough, you don’t do enough, and things like that, it can have a major impact on the child. And the child basically, sets at seven, and I’m using these terms loosely, could be many, seven and a half, eight, I don’t know, nobody really knows. But they it’s said that you take with you everything you learned from that age, into your teenage years, early adults, adult, middle age, and even adult age unless you un condition, those limiting beliefs.
Katie Wrigley 8:53
And that’s my understanding as well is that those first seven years of life, that’s where a lot of these subconscious patterns that are still running in our 30s 40s 50s, but we have no active memory of where they even came from. But my understanding from my own training and through working with other coaches, those first seven years of life are incredibly impactful. And that’s also the time you know, you are getting the most discipline from your parents, you don’t have the ability to reason and have rational thought yet. That part of your brain hasn’t been developed. So like you said, all you’re doing is you’re being a sponge, and you’re soaking all this in so every time, you’re talking too loud or you’re not cleaning up your room. Like those little things, just corrections from parents, even the best parents in the world. The kids’ subconscious mind can take that and turn it into something that doesn’t serve them later in life.
Steve Barton 9:47
Correct. And you said that into 50s, I’m gonna say 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s, you know, 100 you know, however old you are, if you don’t, unlimit that or change the thoughts, then you’re gonna go to the other side and, and shed those thoughts. But you’ve lived a life that’s limited.
Katie Wrigley 10:10
Yeah. And thank you for making that distinction. You’re right, it doesn’t just like, “Oh, you turned 60 and magically, all these limiting beliefs just go away because you did nothing”. That’s not at all the way it works. Otherwise, most of us would just sit and wait it out till 60 and have all the work done for us. It’s proactively changing what you do to have a different outcome on those beliefs. So what are some of the words that you hear from your clients that keep them in those limiting beliefs?
Steve Barton 10:36
Well, it’s good, I just added another category. Because the view today is limited belief words, and one of them is “can’t”. And I’m gonna work on that after. The other one is, “I was supposed to”. “I was supposed to be a teacher, but now I’m a janitor”. So it’s that goes into a limited belief as well as guilt, you know, I should have should have been a contender, you know. So there’s a few categories that I’ve come up with. And I think the one of the most prevalent is guilt and shame words. And those are: shoulda, woulda, coulda, ought to, I’m sorry, might. Yeah. And lack words: need, want. I’m using these terms, next three, with somewhat caveat with it: Faith, believe, and hope. Okay, so there’s a place for those, but they’re typically used in lack. Okay. And then there’s the entitlement words, which is: “I’m worthy of this. I deserve this. I’m entitled to this. I must have this.” Ah, and then there’s nonsense words like: try. You either do or or you don’t, you don’t try. Yes, I just heard a podcast that says “You got to try and then you fail.” Well, you’re gonna fail just because you’re trying. Do it, fail. Do it again. Fail. Do it again, fail. Learn how to build up your failure muscle. Because you’re not going to become an expert at what you do. On the first try, typically, no. So you, you have to be very comfortable with failing, you have to be very comfortable with disappointment. You have to be very comfortable to go with abandonment, rejection, all of it in order to be successful in whatever you do. So we get to the non-words like: try and but, because ‘but’ basically negates the first portion of the sentence that you said. So always look for “but” and then negate what they said, because they just negated it, and then listen to the last half of the sentence.
Katie Wrigley 13:10
That’s a really good point. There’s a lot there I want to dive into. The first one I want to go to, because you and I talked about this off recording before. It’s been a few months since we touched on it but I really want to go back to it. So one of the things I had learned along the way is that you mentioned “want” and “need” as those words, and part of what I was taught is that need is the restricting word, but wanting implies a choice so that it’s empowering, but I’m hearing you see something different now. So what are your experiences with want and need? What am I actually telling my brain? I’m like, “oh, I want this.” Like what am I doing there that’s not working in my favor? Because I’ve been using this for a while. So I’m like, “Okay, let’s get it off the table and figure out what the heck I’m missing here.”
Steve Barton 14:00
Well, wanting and needing is a mindset. So you can’t have it if you want or need it.
Katie Wrigley 14:07
Ah, yeah. Good point. And oh my gosh, so funny you say that, I just put a cognomovement hack into the Pain Changer Facebook group that I have. I can feel wanting and having in different places in my body, everybody can. And good point.
Steve Barton 14:27
You can’t have it if you want it because you are making a commitment to wanting and needing it. So it puts you in a mindset of lack.
Katie Wrigley 14:36
So how do we want to refer to things that will be ours? That we “want” because I don’t have the right words, I’m using air quotes around it. How do we how do we frame that then in a way that’s empowering and lines up our brain to know without a doubt that we can and will have it
Steve Barton 14:57
You have to get yourself into the present moment, the now. And you make a declaration that “I have fill in the blank”, “I have space in my life for…” boom, “I am acceptance of blank”, and hopefully there intentions that you truly are asking for. And I wanted to say “want” but you know…
Katie Wrigley 15:25
It is difficult to avoid those words!
Steve Barton 15:28
We’re conditioned to it. It is everywhere around you.
Katie Wrigley 15:31
Yes, exactly. That’s what I mean. I’m not saying that it’s challenging to set yourself up for success. But we are programmed to use these words. So let’s say someone wants a new iPhone, as an example, maybe their battery is lasting like five minutes. They take it off the charger, it’s dead in 10 minutes, five minutes later, “I want to have a new phone”. So in that case, how can they frame it? I mean, obviously, in this day, most people can just go get a phone, I just want to use this example that everybody can relate to. So what would be the way that you want to frame it in something like that?
Steve Barton 16:09
“My iPhone is dead. I’m going to go get a new iPhone.” It’s intentional. It’s direct. It’s a commitment. And you do it. Doesn’t mean you did it, it means you are going to do it. And it’s not a done deal until it’s in your hands.
Katie Wrigley 16:27
Okay, so then let’s put it on something bigger, right? Let’s say someone wants to buy a business, or they want to buy a house or something else. Same thing is going to apply right? Even if the scale is bigger.
Steve Barton 16:43
Yeah, yeah. Usually, you know, from an iPhone to a house, you’re talking 100 times, or 1000 times more money. So it’s really we’re intentional beings. And that’s why I avoid, when coaching, to talk about goals. I really prefer to talk about intentions, what are your intentions? So your intentions to buy this house, you do it through visualizations, through the feeling of having this house. So we’re also intentional creative beings. So we create this vision in our mind, of what it feels like, the emotions around it, the laundry room, closet, the size of a bedroom, you know, the king size bed, the view, you know, was it a lake or ocean or mountain or big patch of land. So you create this image, and we act as if it we’re creative, intentional beings. And the universe needs to know precisely, what is your vision. So that when one day, you walk into this setting, that you’re even looking or not looking for a property and suddenly you go to this house that you love, it fits all the criteria you’ve asked for. And then the person you’re visiting says, “Yeah, I’m selling the house. Do you want to buy it?” That’s happened to me with this house I have. I was going out to dinner with a friend and she was running around, I gotta clean up this, gotta clean up this. I go in tomorrow and I saw the backyard and I saw the house and I said, “You’re selling the house?” And she said, “Yeah.” And I said, “Will you sell it to me?” And she says, “Yeah.” And that’s how it went,
Katie Wrigley 19:04
Wow, that’s awesome!
Steve Barton 19:05
And people look back at their life, and really look at it. Things happened when they were supposed to. And if they weren’t clear with what they were asking for, it was probably not the best decision that they made. But if they’re clear about it, then it was probably the best decision to make.
Katie Wrigley 19:20
Nice. That clarity is really key. I think that’s what I’m hearing there. So, you know, going back to the example you know, so it can be as simple as “I’m going to have that house when the time is right.”
Steve Barton 19:38
I have the house
Katie Wrigley 19:39
I have the house. It’s not even I’m going to, it’s I have the house
Steve Barton 19:40
Yeah, “going to” is future thinking and that’ll cause anxiety. Past thinking is always based on guilt and shame. And that causes disappointment because we’re appointed 10 and the only thing that can disappoint us is ourselves through expectation that’s not in alignment with what we truly are asking for.
Katie Wrigley 20:12
Repeat that one more time. That was pretty epic. So please repeat that again.
Steve Barton 20:14
It just came out, it sounded off the grid. I don’t know if I can.. So we’re appointed 10. The only person that can disappoint us is ourselves. Somebody or something or some place didn’t live up to the expectation of what we thought it was going to be. Or that person, place or situation couldn’t be. So we set expectations outside of ourselves. And if people, places, or situations don’t live up to it, we have the choice to be disappointed, or just accept it. Like my suggestion to listeners, accept it right away.
Katie Wrigley 21:05
Yes. Acceptance is easy on the body
Steve Barton 21:06
Yeah. If a person is constantly disappointing, or places, or a restaurant, do you go back? No. Do most people go back? Yes. Which leads me into the Game of 10. And the other game that’s often played is called the Game Often Played. Okay, and what’s that game? It’s based on disappointment. From 10, nine through one.
Katie Wrigley 21:38
So constantly wanting or constantly needing we stay in the Game Often Played by going into the mindset of, I have this house, I have everything I need. I have everything I could possibly ever have: every resource at my fingertips, every piece of abundance, every piece of piece that’s out there.
Steve Barton 21:59
Always. Always there waiting to come out by us removing the obstacles, and the obstacles are the thoughts that we have. So people don’t look at thoughts, especially limiting thoughts. They are the obstacles getting in the way of realizing our unlimited dreams.
Katie Wrigley 22:23
And why do you think limiting thoughts are so appealing, Steve? Why is it that so many people get stuck in them?
Steve Barton 22:34
Because they don’t know they were conditioned to have them.
Katie Wrigley 22:37
Yeah, I think so. I agree.
Steve Barton 22:43
So therefore, the fear of the unknown, we don’t have awareness that we have these limiting thoughts, future thinking, and people that, I love when I talk to people, and they’re in transition, and they’re afraid to make a choice of a new job or a new relationship and, “I just I’m stuck. I just don’t know what to do.” My favorite comeback is, “When did you ever?” And they’ll laugh, every one of them just gets a big smile on their face. It lets them off the hook. They never knew. I don’t even know what’s going to happen. I set out my intentions. And I know that no matter what happens, whether it’s deemed I don’t deem it good or bad, it just happens. And I know it’s a step on the path to my intention, especially if I don’t, if there’s a bump in the road, you go over it. There’s no point in certain times there’s no time to go around it. So you’re gonna go through it. You go through that bump in the road knowing that instead of that bump is a smoother road.
Katie Wrigley 24:02
It’s the same thing with pain. The only way out of it that I found so far is through it and trust me, I’ve looked at it from every which way, the only way out is through. Yeah, it can be a beautiful journey if you choose to make that or it can be gut wrenching hell the whole way. It’s totally up to you.
Steve Barton 24:22
Especially if you take the pain and stuff it down. Oh, yes. Bury it with drugs in any shape or form, which it just masks it because you do have to go through it. And there’s no way around it.
Katie Wrigley 24:41
Nope. Nope, there isn’t. The good news is though on the other side of it, it’s beautiful. It’s always every single time
Steve Barton 24:50
Our inner peace, peace of mind, peace of body.
Katie Wrigley 25:01
Yeah. And then that becomes very, very beautiful. And then you were also mentioning, you said very carefully, faith, and those kinds of words. Those are very often used in a negative setting. So I think what you were saying there with like faith, belief, hope it’s more, “Oh, have faith that it’ll all work out”, meaning you’re looking at something that you’re deeming a pile of crap in the moment, and someone saying, “Oh, just have faith it’ll workout”. So you mentioned those before as ones you’re very cautiously bringing them in because they are positive.
Steve Barton 25:40
They can be as long as, what are you having faith in? What are you believing in? And what do you hope for? So if you’re hoping for someone’s demise, or a community’s device or country’s demise, or someone, some group’s demise, and you hope they die? Well, that’s a hope, isn’t it?
Katie Wrigley 26:06
Yeah, that is the hope.
Steve Barton 26:08
So, be careful what you hope for. And be careful what doctrines you believe in. And be careful what you have faith in. If what you have faith, belief, and hope in, unifies people with love, kindness, truth, abundance, happiness, wealth, wholeness, joy, enough, allowance, truth, knowledge with a capital K, wisdom, awareness, vulnerability, absolution. And it has to be intuitive too.
Katie Wrigley 26:48
Has to be intuitive. Meaning what? How does someone know when something is intuitive versus not?
Steve Barton 26:54
All right. So in the Game of 10, and the Game Often Played, those are the two separate programs running all the time. Consecutively and separately. One doesn’t know the other exists. So the Game Often Played, is based on fear. It’s also based on self doubt, guilt and shame. Those are basically the four elements that it runs out of. That program runs from a base of fear. Here’s what I know. It’s all situational. As you’re holding your child or niece or granddaughter, you’re in love. Chances are that you’re in the Game of 10. You know that’s your love, you know that’s the baby’s love and it’s all good. All right. The dog starts barking or biting another dog and you get all upset, you’re gonna be in the Game Often Played. The amygdala kicks in and you’re in fight or flight or freeze. And so that’s what you’re just going to know that you’re in the Game Often Played. So I’m hearing a lot of people… I love podcasts. I’m a podcast junkie, and very good people on it. And when I hear something… Let’s say it’s you, “They’re wrong. And they just say “Interesting that they use that.” And probably someone listening to me will say the same thing. So I can learn. So you know, when you’re in the Game Often Played is when you hear something that is counterintuitive. Pure truth, such as “love your enemy”. That is counterintuitive, right? You’re supposed to hate your enemy. Right? Right. And that’s the Game Often Played. But when someone says, You have to love your enemy, it’s counterintuitive, and you do it. And the thoughts about your enemy go away. So you know that you’re running on the program of fear when loving your enemy makes sense. And it’s intuitive. So it actually gets yourself back into the Game of 10 with the five sentence mantra. Then you know that you have someone who’s coming at you saying nice stuff about you. And you gotta love him, you know? And Marianne Williamson says, I love this phrase. “You have to love everyone. You don’t have to have lunch with them.”
Katie Wrigley 29:47
I had a conversation about that last night. I said, “Yeah, I love everyone. Do I like everyone? Like meaning, go to sit down and have lunch with them? No.” Some people are very, very different than I am. We would have nothing in common. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have love for them as a human being, that I can’t respect and accept how they’re living their life, unconditionally. That one’s still a little tricky sometimes, but it’s getting easier. The longer I’m in this work and the more I notice. And I’m curious what you think of this, Steve. So one of the things they teach us with cognomovement is what we’re putting on others we’re putting on ourselves, that instance of “Oh, I hope they die.” You know, I’m not wishing that just to be clear. I literally, there is no one I’m wishing that on right now. I’m just using that as an example, just to clear my own energy to even say those words out there. So what do you think about that? Do you feel that there’s truth to that, that if you’re saying “I hope someone else dies”, you’re putting that energy back on yourself?
Steve Barton 30:53
100%. I like to say, yeah. So fill in the blanks, it’s judgment. And a lot of us were programmed for 80% negativity, 20% positivity. And even the end, that 80% negativity is absolutely the Game Often Played based on insanity. And most likely, the positive thoughts that you’re having, are probably just as insane too.
Katie Wrigley 31:23
Sometimes, yeah, and I just want to make a mention really quick about the the negative versus the positive there, one of the reasons that it’s easier to focus on the negative outside of the programming is that physiologically, our brain is wired to look for danger, to be able to keep you alive. Like your amygdala’s whole job, it’s sitting behind your eyeballs scanning for danger all the time. Where’s the lion? Where’s the saber toothed Tiger? Where’s the bear? The problem is, it doesn’t know the difference between you being late on your taxes and a bear breathing down your neck, your body’s going to respond the same way, regardless of that, but because your neurology and your brain only care about things that are going to threaten you, it takes a conscious effort to stay in the positive feelings when you’re safe and allow yourself to be in them more and more. And reminding yourself I am okay, now. I have enough now. I am in abundance. It is a practice not just because of the programming out there in the world and mainstream media and everything. Our brains are wired to look for the threats. So if it’s not a threat, it’s not as interesting to your subconscious mind because it has nothing to do with keeping you alive.
Steve Barton 32:39
Yes. Positive emotions, negative emotions. The amygdala wants to keep you not alive, but physical.
Katie Wrigley 32:52
Ah, okay. So explain what you mean.
Steve Barton 32:54
So the amygdala thinks it’s a function of keeping us physically in our bodies versus what’s going to happen if you did get eaten by the saber toothed Tiger? Are you still alive? Or did your body just shut down and you are more alive?
Katie Wrigley 33:20
Woah, yeah, now we’re getting into some philosophical stuff. Because when you look at consciousness, consciousness continues after the physical body is no longer here. And we’re starting to be able to prove this for everybody in science, they have been able to prove consciousness exists. It exists even before the brain, and it exists after the physical body is dead.
Steve Barton 33:47
So by definition, you don’t die. Truth is we do at this point, age and our body does decay. Yes. Right, some more than others, depending on lifestyle, mindset. If they come from an optimistic stance, then they’re going to live longer. And have a more rewarding, loving life with friends and family and, and yeah, people who are open to that with an optimistic, I’m not saying positive. Because positive implies negative. And when I hear people say, “Yeah, I’m all about positive thinking.” And I like to say “Well my battery likes to have a negative charge too”. So good, you know, I tell people, that positivity will get you to nine. It’ll never get you to 10 because it’s missing the negative charge that you have not accepted as part of who we are.
Katie Wrigley 34:51
So optimism can exist without pessimism, but positivity cannot exist without negativity.
Steve Barton 35:04
*Long pause* Optimistic stance versus a pessimistic. So there is duality in these words. It’s hard to, you have to have the absolute words and level ones are what I said about before unconditional love, peace, happiness, abundance. Those are your absolutes. Absolution is truth.
Katie Wrigley 35:24
Absolution is truth. That makes sense. And you know and I was kind of giggling at the look on Steve’s face as he was thinking about that. But I also see your point and even just in hearing those words “positivity”, I do automatically think of negativity. Whereas an optimism I don’t immediately flip to pessimism being the opposite of that. Just “Oh, optimistic.” You know, maybe realism, you know, that’s another way you hear that.
Steve Barton 35:56
They have to be absolute and unconditional. Okay. So of course in miracles says that which is real cannot be threatened. That which is unreal does not exist, Herein lies the peace of God. Okay, so one of these games is real, and the other game is false. There’s only one truth. And it is absolute with no other side to it. It has intentions, it has depth, there’s no opposite of love. There’s love, there’s just love. And it’s not romantic love, it can be part of that. But my definition of love is accepting a person, place, or situation as it is, unconditionally, always.
Katie Wrigley 36:54
That’s a beautiful definition. And it can be platonic love, friendship love, that empowering that can be some of the strongest love because there aren’t conditions on it. That unconditional love. Like that’s, that’s probably… I know, that is the one true emotion. And we talked about this on the show a couple times about how there’s love and then there’s everything else. And love is the only true emotion. And the Game of 10 is rooted in love, it brings you to the present, it slows the mind. It stops you, the storytelling from all the things that keep you in the Game Often Played.
Steve Barton 37:33
Yep. And the thoughts are things. And to have limiting thoughts, you first have to have the thought, then you create a story around it. And then you believe it’s true. And you put the cap on the bottle and put it in your 10,000 bottle, wine cellar of memories and thoughts, feelings and emotions. And then after you make a story around the thought, you get an emotion attached to it. And then you believe it all. And it’s about when a similar situation happens. And you believe it to be true. Yep. When it’s no longer even valid or true.
Katie Wrigley 38:17
Yeah, it’s just the lens you keep looking through. Because that’s there, that’s what you’ve been taught. So when you don’t pop open the cork off that bottle, inspect it, examine it, let it go get it out of your body, you’re going to continue to perceive future situations through that same bottled up whatever it is.
Steve Barton 38:35
You’re even actually looking through the bottle. You put your eye up into the little opening after you uncapped the belief, bottle cap. And then you’re looking through the bottle seeing what you believe to be true. Which most of the time isn’t.
Katie Wrigley 38:55
And I love that you use the bottle because even that analogy of just looking through it, I’m thinking wow, that’s such a great analogy for depicting what a limiting belief does to us. If a limiting belief of the bottle the truth is everything out there. How much are you missing out by focusing only on what’s inside that bottle instead of everything else out there?
Steve Barton 39:15
You want to label it, what you believe it to be and move on to the next thing.
Katie Wrigley 39:20
Yeah, and the label to serve. Only not to judge or take away. You know, there’s some labels that help us feel better. There’s others that don’t work for us. Like I’ve been labeled with a lot of shit over my life, a lot. And I’ve dismissed the labels that don’t serve me. They are not part of me like, “Oh I have fibromyalgia? No, no, I don’t”.
Steve Barton 39:46
They’re projections on people that have had limiting beliefs and other clients or situations and they’re going to label you because you fit the category. Yeah. So yeah, so I’d like to say that I don’t care what people think about me because they’re just projecting their own stuff. If it’s not loving, I don’t accept it, or I’ll listen to it and go, “Okay, I hear you, I respect that.”
Katie Wrigley 40:15
You really do live your life that way. I just want to give Steve some credit here that he really is the most outgoing, greets you with a hug, big smile on his face, genuine guy. And he is really as unflappable as he is saying, because he has done this work for… how long have you been doing this work now, Steve, before you started teaching it?
Steve Barton 40:38
Katie Wrigley 40:39
Yeah! You’ve been doing it for a minute, you’re pretty good at it now.
Steve Barton 40:41
I’m getting really good at it. And I’ve had some really good teachers, who want to bring me down from 10. It frightens people who are living around 12345 below five, it frightens them, you know, how can you have this mind? How can you believe this? Are you crazy?
Katie Wrigley 41:07
You know, and Hal Elrod who created the Miracle Morning. So I heard him on a podcast recently, I’m doing the Miracle Morning challenge right now. I’m loving the effect. But he said something on a podcast I was listening to actually because I’m also a podcast nut. That’s one of the reasons I created my own. But he said something really impactful. And he was quoting someone else, I want to just make sure, I don’t remember who it was. Or if he had credited them. They said “you can only lead as far as you have evolved”. And so you’ve actually mentioned someone else like you, you went to a therapist who was like, “I can’t help you anymore”, because he quickly saw, “okay, he’s gone past where I am”. But his ego wasn’t trying to make you small, he just let you go, which is amazing to me. And I’ve seen people who have that ability to be like, “Whoa, holy cow, you got to a level I haven’t gotten to yet. Like go you. I don’t know how you did that.” But most people go “No, hey, wait, wait, come down, come down, you’re growing too fast. Get back down here where I can understand what you’re doing”. Because that’s really a truth. And you know, when I really started to tap into that, as far as my own abilities, to lead and heal, I can’t heal anyone past what I’ve healed for myself. We can’t lead anyone past what we have already done for our own growth.
Steve Barton 42:35
We’re doing the best we can with the awareness we have. Yes, we are. Absolutely. And that’s part of the “I’m always right with awareness I have.” So it’s the same thing, it’s actually a statement of innocence. So the Game of 10 is a declaration of who we truly are, 10. The second one is I’m doing the best I can with the awareness I have or I’m always right with the awareness I have. Really the declaration of innocence. And those are key appointed states of being, innocence, the highest level of awareness. And then the “be, do, and have” enough that has put you in a state of grace. Enough. And I learned this from a potential client that I was just interviewing, and very much Christian and talked about portions. And I thought, every red flag portions. I said there’s only one portion and that portion is enough. It’s the universal quantity. So I looked it up, I Googled it. And Christ said “My grace is your sufficiencies”. Wow. And another word for sufficiency is enough. Be. Do. Have. Enough. It puts you into a state of grace which is we’re appointed to be grace.
Katie Wrigley 44:12
And that’s beautiful. I have a big smile on my face as I’m listening here. I agree too. Getting into that mindset and remembering truth, versus programming, versus messages from my mind that are limiting me, keeping me stuck. So before we go into the the idea around this, you know the or the bigger idea of of thoughts being prayers, I want to spend a little bit of time on the word “should” because that is a doozy of a limiting word in my experience and you had brought that up as one of the words that you had listed earlier. That’s one of the limiting words. So what are we actually telling our brain when we say, “oh, we should do something. I should be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing that. I need to do this. What about that?” Like, what is actually happening inside our mind when we’re shoulding all over ourselves?
Steve Barton 45:09
You’re lowering your immune system. Because your mind is trying to make sense out of a nonsense intention. You either do it or you don’t do it. So it’s going to, I should do it. But you’re not going to do it. And should is guilt. Guilt is “I am bad”. No, I did something bad. Okay, you didn’t do it. I did something,are going to do something bad. Because I’m going to declare them, I should do it. And you don’t do it. Then you put yourself into a guilt. You’re not of your word. And you made a declaration that was not of your word. So you feel guilty about it. And the more you do it, the more you have, and the more guilt you have, it is stored as energy. Okay, and when we use the term negative energy, because it has no place to go? Yeah. And it swirls around your body and causes mayhem in your body, causes aches and pain and then you can have shame around it because “I never follow through with what I should do.” This is shame and shame is “I am bad. And how can I punish myself? I can do it through my body.”
Katie Wrigley 46:43
Mhmm. Oh, yeah, shame is the heaviest emotion according to David Hawkins, who wrote the power versus force book. That is the most draining emotion because you think there is something inherently wrong with you, when you have a big shame pattern that’s running in there versus guilt. Guilt is “I did something wrong”. Shame is “I am wrong”. So you’re telling yourself with the core of your being, there’s something wrong with you, which is not at all the truth. At all. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Steve Barton 47:14
Yea and the truth is, you’re not a body. You are a being that has a body. But the only thing that your ego can believe is to attack the body.
Katie Wrigley 47:26
Yep, that’s all it’s got.
Steve Barton 47:29
Yeah, it thinks it’s the body. And if you’ve known about its tricks and lies, it’s afraid you’ll kill it. Yep. And it’s not even real. And you can never win it. And you will never have a friendly relationship with it. And the reason is, you created yours. I created mine. And we’re like a hard drive, that he ego, our ego, my ego, can go into things that I don’t even remember and pull it out and pull it out and use it against me at the most opportune time for it. to sabotage me. That’s why they call it the saboteur.
Katie Wrigley 48:09
Mmhmm. Yeah. And never seems to pick the moments that would be the best. It’s always those times where it’s the least service to us that these come out unless we face them, deal with them, allow the emotions to leave. So we’re basically judging ourselves when we’re saying we should do something. Yeah, I’m gonna have a whole episode on judgment in the future. Because it’s, it’s one of the most limiting things that we can do to ourselves. And I have gotten to a point where if I catch myself starting to judge, I immediately pause and I’m like, “Alright, where am I doing that in my life?” If I’m sitting here causing fault at someone, there’s something in me that needs to be looked at, and I’m gonna go ahead and do that because I don’t like judging people. It doesn’t feel good at all.
Steve Barton 49:00
You’re just judging yourself. Yeah. And causing guilt and shame for judging others. So it becomes that loop that stays in your body. Yeah, it can’t go anywhere except your body until it comes out as an ache or pain or an illness or disease.
Katie Wrigley 49:16
Yep. And that or all of the above.
Steve Barton 49:21
Yeah. All the above and we yeah, we can do a number on us. Our mind is very powerful. Can be used for love or it can be used for fear or hatred. And look in the mirror and say, “Oh, I hate my body.” You ain’t seen nothing yet. Okay, the ego will say “You hate your body now. I might give you a little gift.”
Katie Wrigley 49:46
Right? Not looking at your body with gratitude and like it doesn’t matter what this physical vessel looks like, have gratitude for your body. Your body will thank you. And when your body thanks you it means you are more comfortable, it means you are more at peace. It means you are more focused on the things available to you in this life. You aren’t trapped inside your body dealing with aches and pains, because there’s stuff going on in there that you chose not to listen to.
Steve Barton 50:19
We’re not trapped at all. We’re outside of our body, we’re inside our body, and there’s no distinction between the two. And the body and the mind have to work in harmony together.
Katie Wrigley 50:29
Absolutely. So what if thoughts were prayers?
Steve Barton 50:36
They are prayers.
Katie Wrigley 50:37
So what does that mean exactly then? So if our thoughts are prayers, what are we actually putting out there into the universe to source when we’re saying things, I’m going to go back to the statement I said in the introduction, our thoughts are prayers, and I’m sitting there saying, and I’m not just to be clear, if I’m sitting here saying, “I’m not good enough”, and I’m choosing ones that I have no, no reaction to whatsoever. Because if I react to it, I’m gonna go somewhere. But if I sit here and say, “I’m not good enough” what am I doing?
Steve Barton 51:09
“I’m not good enough, I don’t have enough. I’m not enough. I’m not right. They’re not right.” And this goes for yourself and others. “They’re jerks. I’m nice.” So you’re sending out a prayer to attract people who you have prayed to come into your life. You’ll get the jerk, you’ll get the person telling you, you’re not good enough. “You should’ve gone to college, you would have been a great doctor”. Okay. You’ll get the should-ers, you’ll get the could-ers and you’ll get the lack-ers. Who think you will be jealous of somebody. So whatever you’re setting out there that is not loving, based on those five tenants, or come up with your own, I just came up with these, they’re pretty good. So yeah, whatever you persist, persists. Yeah. So whatever you’re putting out there, you have to get back because you’re working on karma. What goes around comes around. The laws of cause and effect. When you’re in the Game of 10, there’s only cause and the cause is you. The cause is me. In my world, everything that happens to me, I caused it. It was caused by a way of thinking. And the key is to align our thoughts with the alignment of the universe. And what is the universe run on? Love, whatever you want to call it. You want to call it God, you want to call it… whatever you want to call it. It’s a universal force that connects us all. And if we look at the other person as the other person then they’re not one.
Katie Wrigley 53:17
And I was actually going to, I had a question which you’ve already just started to answer, talking about what you put out there, you get back, I was thinking, I want to talk about what it gives us when we believe in a higher power? You know, because any different backgrounds, belief system is in there, but you just said it. It’s when you’re not believing that we’re all source, that we’re part of source, that we’re all one, we’re all connected, we are disengaging from other people, which then makes it easier to get on the defensive. To stay in the Game Often Played instead of staying in the Game of 10. Knowing everything is right, exactly as it is today.
Steve Barton 53:59
And I’m gonna go one step further with you because believing in God separates you from God. Knowing God, knowing capital K, knowing that you are versus believing… It’s the last step of letting go to 10. Believing. Why do you have to believe in it? Just know it. Know it’s true.
Katie Wrigley 54:27
Yeah, that’s a good point. Thank you. And that is what I know. I’ve had plenty of proof the.re’s a higher power.
Steve Barton 54:37
Believing is having faith, having hope. I hope there’s a god. You know, why not just accept this something that is beyond us. We are a part of it and it’s within us. Which all we have to do is let go of the limiting belief around it to experience it.
Katie Wrigley 55:05
Yes. I love that. So where can people find you, Steve?
Steve Barton 55:11
At my website, www.overthelookingglass.com. I have a book that I’m willing to give all your readers. You will gift about five trickles. If you don’t want any trickles, email me, I’ll send you our advanced reader copy via digital. And to download it with the five trickles, that will promote my coaching business. It’s www.thegameof10.com.
Katie Wrigley 55:53
Okay, and what’s the book is called again, it’s the Father…
Steve Barton 55:57
I wrote it with my 19 year old son at the time now he’s 20. The Father, The Son, and the Aha moment.
Katie Wrigley 56:05
Great! I love that you’re offering the freebie, thank you so much. If you want to have an understanding of how words are holding you back, or better yet how you can start to use them to get into this Game of 10 to know, every day you are 10, reach out to Steve. He is an amazing man. He is an amazing coach, his clients are getting results. I learn something from him every time I talk to him. He’s just a phenomenal human being, he really cares, he has done the work, he has healed so much within his own life, he has grown so much as a leader and a coach, he has so much available to be able to help you wherever you are, I highly recommend reaching out to Steve and having a chat. And I do want to say that the five drip sequence, it is not invasive at all, it is only five emails, I’d actually encourage you even though Steve is offering to give you the book without going through that I encourage you to look at those emails too. He has lots of good stuff in there to help you wherever you are on your journey. Thank you so much for joining me today, Steve. Is there anything that you want to say before we wrap this session,
Steve Barton 57:18
I would highly recommend people using Katie, the more you know about her the more I know that she knows her stuff with the physical body and how to use the cognomovement. It works. It works. It works and definitely recommend people to her as well. Thank you for having me on the program.
Katie Wrigley 57:39
Always a pleasure, Steve. Thank you. And thank you for that feedback, too. I appreciate it. And thank you to you my listener as always for joining us today. I hope you’re going to come back with me next week where I’m bringing back another guest who has been on the podcast before have you ever felt like your doctors are gaslighting you or not hearing you or you spending weeks months years even trying to get your doctors to listen to you and wondering how the hell you can start to advocate for yourself. If any of that is part of your experience in the medical community please join me again next week. We are going to be teaching you how to become your own health advocate. Until then, please remember chronic does not have to mean permanent.